Never clean the house until a traveling guest has reached their destination

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Scene: A cozy Moscow apartment. It’s late evening, snow falling softly outside. Yulia is sitting on the couch with tea, watching the clock. Anya enters, scarf unwinding, holding grocery bags.


Anya:
puzzled Why does it smell like burnt sage in here? Did you summon spirits or just try cooking again?

Yulia:
laughs dramatically Neither! I was just warding off bad energy. Masha left for Saint Petersburg today, remember?

Anya:
Right… and?

Yulia:
lowering her voice like a secret agent You never clean the house until your guest reaches their destination. It’s bad luck! What if something happens to her on the train?

Anya:
sits down slowly Wait… so you’re telling me we’re living in a crumb-covered hostage situation until Masha texts you that she’s arrived?

Yulia:
Exactly! The vacuum cleaner is under a spiritual embargo.

Anya:
Yul, Masha is on a high-speed Sapsan, not a medieval oxcart dodging evil spirits in the woods.

Yulia:
You laugh now, but my aunt once vacuumed the floors right after her neighbor left for Volgograd—and bam! The bus broke down halfway. Coincidence? I think not.

Anya:
Oh no, the powerful curse of… static electricity. Come on! Correlation doesn’t mean causation. That bus probably broke down because it was Soviet-era metal held together by chewing gum and stubbornness.

Yulia:
Still, why risk it? Traditions are there for a reason. It’s not like I made this up yesterday—it goes way back.

Anya:
Sure, but so do bloodletting and leeches. Doesn’t mean we’re still doing that on a Saturday night.

Yulia:
mock-offended Speak for yourself. I enjoy a good superstition with my borscht.

Anya:
Let me put it this way. If I spilled sugar and threw it over my left shoulder while hopping on one foot, you’d say that’s ridiculous. But not cleaning?

Yulia:
At least the sugar thing has no logic. But this… this is respect for transitions! Travel is vulnerable. Cleaning is… disruptive.

Anya:
Alright, how about this—when I flew to Sochi last month, did you clean?

Yulia:
smirking No. I binge-watched Brigada and lit a candle.

Anya:
And I still landed just fine! So maybe it’s not about mops and curses?

Yulia:
Fine, maybe it’s more psychological than mystical. It gives me peace. If something happens, I don’t want to feel like I jinxed it.

Anya:
Fair. But wouldn’t it be more empowering to say, “I trust my friend and modern transportation,” than to tiptoe around a broom like it’s Voldemort?

Yulia:
I guess. But Voldemort never had to explain himself to a Russian babushka.

Anya:
takes her hand dramatically Tell you what. When Masha texts us that she arrived safely, we both clean the apartment while playing “Eye of the Tiger.”

Yulia:
Deal. But if anything happens to her before that… I’m blaming your skepticism.

Anya:
And I’ll blame Russian Railways.


(Masha’s text buzzes: “Just arrived! Safe and sound!”)


Yulia:
pops up Thank the heavens. Alright, where’s the mop?

Anya:
tosses her a duster Finally. Now we can summon actual hygiene.

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