Magpies must be greeted respectfully or they’ll swoop you and bring bad luck

Setting: A sunny morning in suburban Melbourne. Two friends, Tom and Liam, are walking to the local café during magpie season.

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Tom: (tilting his head up) Morning, Mr. Magpie! Lovely day for a worm, isn’t it?

Liam: (laughing) Mate, did you just talk to that bird again?

Tom: Of course! You have to. If you don’t greet magpies, they’ll swoop you—or worse, curse your week with bad luck. Everyone knows that.

Liam: Everyone who? The same folks who think walking under ladders opens a portal to bad fortune?

Tom: Don’t mock it, Liam. Last year, I forgot to greet a magpie near the park, and guess what—two minutes later, it swooped right at my head. Nearly took my hat off!

Liam: (grinning) Maybe because you walked too close to its nest? That’s not a curse, that’s parenting.

Tom: (crossing his arms) Then how do you explain the bad week that followed? My car broke down, I spilled coffee on my laptop, and the footy team I bet on lost by one point.

Liam: (teasing) Sounds like the magpie put a hex on your Wi-Fi too, huh?

Tom: Laugh all you want, but magpies know when you respect them. My nan always said, “Greet them kindly, and they’ll remember your face.”

Liam: Well, your nan’s half right—magpies do remember faces. It’s scientifically proven. They recognize people who’ve annoyed them before and might swoop again.

Tom: See! That’s exactly why I say good morning. I’m building a positive relationship.

Liam: So, you’re basically networking with birds now? Should I bring a business card next time?

Tom: (chuckling) Call it whatever you want, but it works. I haven’t been swooped once this season.

Liam: That’s because you’re not walking near nests. You could just avoid nesting areas instead of whispering compliments to every magpie in the postcode.

Tom: Avoiding them is disrespectful. You’ve got to acknowledge their presence. Like saying hi to your neighbor.

Liam: Except your neighbor doesn’t dive-bomb you at 40 kilometers an hour if you forget to wave.

Tom: (smirking) Maybe your neighbors don’t, but mine might.

Liam: Look, magpies aren’t mystical creatures—they’re just defending their young. If you wear sunglasses on your hat or carry an umbrella, you’re fine. No “good morning” required.

Tom: (grinning) You go ahead with your umbrella, mate. I’ll stick with a smile and a polite “How’s the family?” Works every time.

Liam: You’re unbelievable. One day I’ll see you chatting to a kookaburra and taking notes.

Tom: Only if he laughs first.

(Both burst out laughing as they walk into the café, a magpie warbling in the background as if to say, “See you tomorrow.”)